Blurring the Lines

I try to be honest with the things I write and I try to not to step on any toes. Anonymity is a key factor especially when writing about real people who have their own views and opinions differing from my own. Recently I’ve had a slew of differing encounters with people regarding stories and posts I’ve put up. I share things which I cannot take back and I understand how a lot of things can be taken out of context especially when I am prone to elaboration and artistic license. I want the stories to be entertaining, but I also want to be truthful. I am sometimes worried about the history and subject matter which some people may find distasteful, but in the end the content is meant to get to things I myself don’t fully comprehend and am trying to figure out. 

It was going to be a particularly busy day. I had a tournament in the morning, a baby shower in the afternoon, and plans to meet some friends at an art show and drinks later on in the evening.

Talking to parents at a tournament usually means talking their kids up and ending with things they need to improve on. The worst parents are the ones who demand that their kids get more playing time, because their child is usually a terrible athlete. Those conversations are few and far between and mostly parents are quite positive. Talking to a parent that morning, P____ came into the conversation (“They Player that Never Was”).

“You know Mrs. G_____ was not too happy about your blog post about P_____”

“Yeah I could see how she would be upset about something like that.”

“It wasn’t too anonymous.”

“No, I suppose not” I answered, feeling a tinge of guilt. “That situation bothered me for a very long time. I tried very hard to get that kid back.”

She nodded but I could not tell if she agreed with me.

After the tournament I stopped by a baby shower for a college friend who was expecting his first child. I’ve been to a few of these co-ed baby showers/parties now, which strictly were only women just a few years back. I struck up a conversation with an acquaintance also single in his 30s. He asked about my drinking issues (“A Sordid Love Affair”.)

“You still drinking?”

“Yeah I mean I didn’t completely quit. I just quit drinking by myself, it started becoming a habit everyday after work.”

“So I heard you’re single now.”

“Yeah S______ and I broke up a few months ago.” I’ve found that there are two types of people, those who will automatically ask you about a breakup and those who wait for you to bring it up.

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, I mean it is what it is. Just staying busy and focusing on my career.”

He looked away and the conversation was interrupted by the opening of baby gifts.

I went home around 4pm to take a nap. I woke up to a call from C_____, a college friend who had recently moved into the bay area. C_____ and I were very close and had traveled together and kept in touch throughout our careers. He had moved to the bay area to be with his girlfriend who also happened to be my first serious relationship in college. I felt a little awkward about the situation when he first brought it up a few years ago, but they seem to be doing well and I’m glad that he is happy and seems to be quite settled. I’ve never felt it was my say what happened with anything after I parted ways with someone.

“I want to pick up a painting from you but T_____ would never allow it in the house.”

“What do you mean? It’s just a painting, you can just put it up anywhere.”

“She hates you man.”

“I don’t understand why she hates me. It’s been over a decade since we’ve broken up. So you’re saying I wouldn’t be invited to your wedding?”

He laughed into the receiver. “No man, no fucking way. She thinks you cheated on her.”

“Why would she think that?”

“She reads those stories you put up. She thinks you cheated on her while you were in China.”

(“A Night Out in China”)

“I’m surprised she even reads anything I put out.” I didn’t know how I felt about it, but it wasn’t too positive.

We made plans to meet up in a few weeks.

I drove out downtown to meet friends at a big art opening. Afterwards we migrated to Geary Club, a small dive in the Tenderloin.

“How was Taiwan?” (“A Wide Expanse of Water”)

“It was good, hung out with my folks and family mostly.”

“Did you go out at all?”

“Yeah was in Taipei for a few days, but nothing too crazy.”

“Have you started dating yet?”

“I’ve tried some dating apps, but not super into it. I would much rather just meet someone in real life.”

“Well you know that N_____ and I met on match.com right?” They were going to be married in October.

“Yeah, but its just a little strange, I’ve been on online dates before but it’s not really for me.”

“You’ve got to just stick with it.”

We moved down to Novella on Mission for a friend’s birthday party. The place with packed to the brim and we had to wait a little while in line before getting in.

“You going to W_____ and C_____’s wedding?” (“Loneliness in Frankfurt”)

“No man, I am not invited.”

“What about that girl E_____ from last week. You guys seemed to hit it off.”

“I mean she’s really cute and successful, but I don’t really want to jump into anything right now.”

“You can’t get over anyone without getting under someone.”

I watched the crowd and the young people enjoying their night. I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in years and he asked if I was still bartending. (“Never say Never”)

“No, not anymore man. It wasn’t really for me.”

“I definitely follow your blog quite a bit. You’re a great writer.”

“Thank man, I appreciate that.”

“You really put everything out on the line and it’s refreshing jump from the rest of the things people usually post on Facebook and social media. I recently broke up with my girlfriend too.” (“A Long Ride Home”)

“I’m sure everyone goes through the things I go through. The dating scenes changed quite a bit though.”

“Yeah, we should hang out and go cruising sometime.”

We exchanged numbers and went about our way. I left Novela with my friends and went back to the Tenderloin to grab some food. I got a text from S______.

“Hey I just wanted to see how you were doing. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

I was tired and said goodbye to everyone and made the drive home.

I got a call from my mom on the way back.

“Hey mom, what’s up.”

“Nothing, just worried about you.”

“Why are you worried?”

“About you and S______ and your relationships. You seem to always just break up at the end and every relationship follows the same timeline and trend.”

“I’m doing okay, you shouldn’t be worried mom. Things like this happen and I’m busy and getting about my own things.”

“I just don’t understand why your relationships always end like that.”

“It’s like I mean them to. Sometimes people just don’t get along. I don’t think I would want to spend the rest of my life arguing about the same things with one person forever. There’s still a lot of things I want to do before I really settle down.”

“I know.”

“Don’t worry mom, there’s nothing to think about it.”

I wanted to reassure her the best I could and to have her just be at peace with what I was doing, but mom’s have a way about seeing their children as children forever. She worried from care and love and if I were younger I would have probably gotten annoyed with the whole conversation. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her I was managing well, but my voice probably belied my true feelings. (“A Very Short Thunderstorm”)