fantasy island

I'm almost there. My job is almost done. I've just got two paintings left, a sculpture, and just some minor touch up shit. I told my gallery owner that I was gonna take a fat vacation after all this mess ends. That I wanted to just fly to Hawaii, sit on the beach, gawk at the beautiful women, drown myself in sugary cocktails, and fall in love for a few days. His reply:

"if all goes according, you wont have time for a vacation home boy, it will be on to the next show!"

I know I can't complain. This is what I've slaved for. This is the time to put in work. Grind it out. Make a name for myself. Things are finally turning around. It's like catching cards after being short stacked at the poker table. I finally have an art crew. My friends are doing well. My family is doing well. Zilla is finally behaving. And I just beat my first lawsuit.

During the last couple of months I've been experiencing some breakdowns. I'll usually be doing some routine shit where I can let my mind wander: walking the dog, driving to the studio, paying the bills. I'll just break down and bawl like a baby. I'll cry like a little girl, and really I won't be thinking about anything in particular. Usually it's just an overwhelming sense of sadness and grief. The episodes don't really last more than a minute or two tops, but it's been really worrying me lately. It can't be normal, right?

I just want to go far away, to a nice private beach, turn off my cell phone, have no schedule, and just not care. About anything. At least for a little bit. A few days. Just something for myself. Figure out what's wrong. Rehab.

Things are so good right now. I have good, solid projects lined up. Women think I am worth their time again. Things are on the up and up. But we'll see how things go.

Things have been a little bit crazy

I went out to these Vietnamese coffee shops in San Jose with a few friends today. It was a poor excuse just to ogle women in skimpy outfits while we sipped on overpriced iced coffees. The first two places were pretty miserable. The overall vibe was pretty creepy. All the other customers were in the late 30s or 40s and by customers I mean creepy old dudes. None of the waitresses would even make eye contact or say hi. They merely took our orders and sashayed away, the flaws on their skin covered by the neon lights and blaring music.

It was okay I suppose, I definitely got quite a bit done. Things have been a little bit crazy. Just in the past week I've gotten my postcards, framed my paintings, had them shot. And here I was in the dingy Vietnamese coffee shops drawing little personalized doodles on my postcards for clients and fans. It's been really busy and I haven't really been able to sleep much lately. Women are starting to warm up to me again and it's nice to revel myself a little bit in that attention.

I'm starting to get pretty burnt out. I called Jode earlier to just talk about things and she told me to take a few days off. My life's been pretty crazy lately and I kind of like it this way. I don't think I'll be taking any days off. I'd be all anxious just being away from the studio.

I went out to an art show on Friday which featured typewriter inspired art with a live set from the artist made of sounds from a typewriter. I wanted to throw up thirty times in my mouth. 

 After the shitty art show I met up with some friends at a lounge downtown which a buddy co owns. We hung out down in the basement and I felt like a goddamn gangster.

 Saturday morning I went to go pick up ammunition at the gun show at the cow palace since there's a massive shortage. It was a nightmare. The line for wholesale ammunition was 5 hours long. I just went and bought retail like a chump.














I also got Zilla some new bandanas from the gun show. He is one handsome mother fucker














Whenever I post pictures of Zilla on Instagram or Twittter of Zilla, he'll always get way more attention than for any other shit I do.

Today I spent the whole day in Vietnamese coffee shops. I drew on my postcards and am shipping them out to fans and clients.

My friend Jenny is trying to launch a company that sells rolling papers which will allows you to custom print images. She told me to shoot her some drawings of dogs and bunnies.

We went to three cafes today and at the last one I made some pretty bad sketches of the waitress and she came by and said "you made my butt look cute."

Personally I just enjoyed the free modeling session.

I left the sketch with my website on the table.

I get a message on my website about 20 minutes after I leave.

She left her number.


My first solo show open May 4th from 6-11 at Book and Job Gallery on 838 Geary Street.

I hope to see all your beautiful faces there.

love,

d

lost cause

I remember the first time I went into my new gallery to meet the owner and curator. I was a nervous wreck. I had to stop by Whiskey Thieves which is this real shit hole dive in the Tenderloin before the meeting.

I liked Carson and Jode and I liked the gallery and it was probably one of the biggest milestones in my career.

"There's only one thing I don't like about your gallery though."

"What's that?" Carson asked.

"It's directly across the street from my ex girlfriends place" I said pointing out the second story window across the street to the apartment complex.

I guess that's when it all really started. We had a few beers and I was having an alright time just bullshitting and getting to know new friends. Around my 6th beer I went out to have a cigarette and I couldn't help it, but I stared up at her window. My success marred by this memory from the past. The light was on.

I wondered if she still lived there. I imagined her making dinner. I wondered if she was still painting. I imagined her looking as pretty as ever.  It took a bit of a discipline not to call her at that moment. And ask how she was doing. Maybe she would like to come down and say hi to Zilla. But I didn't. And I haven't been able to get her out of my mind lately. And I thought I was doing so well.

I was down in San Diego this past weekend. The last time I was there was with Sue about a year ago. She met all my friends and they loved her. So much so that they told me that I had made a mistake. That I should get her back. That I was a real asshole. That she was the best thing I ever had. That I should just call her. And I don't disagree.

But I know she'll never pick up the phone. We've moved way past that point. That this is just the way things are.  And that I've just got to be a big boy about it. Maybe all this sentimentality is just the withdrawals from extended consumption or maybe this is just karma getting her licks in.

I just hope that everythings okay. And that she's happy. And smiling her smile, even if it'll never be at me again.