Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Look at that fucking whore

Part 1

My last final was suppose to be on December 18th but I talked my professor Brandon into letting me go a day earlier since I had a flight to catch on the 17th. He is one cool cat, you can check out his awesome shit here ---> http://www.brandonsmithpaintings.com/.

Before hitting my midnight flight I swallowed about three quarters of a fifth whilst taking bong rips with my pollack buddy before hitting the airport. Thank god I was pretty out of it because next to me were two toddlers. Why their parents decided to leave them unattended while they sat a row in front is still a little perplexing. I was in center row left side aisle seat, the two kids in the two middle seats and a cute chick on the right side aisle. I would have tried to strike up some type of conversation and gotten rejected, but I would have had to compete with the screaming and the bong rips were making my eyelids pretty heavy. I probably saved myself some embarrasment and 14 hours worth of awkwardness.

I wake up with about 6 hours left and bust out some books. I had a layover in Taipei for about 3 hours which I was looking forward to because the nicotine habit was kicking in pretty hard. I was dissapointed upon arrival to find out that Taipei had fully implemented a "no smoking" policy in all buildings and facilities. Fucking bullshit. Thank god I brought a tin of chew.

I transfer flights around 7am Taiwan time and have a 3 hour flight to Bangkok international. I'm meeting Nick up in Bangkok, but his flight doesn't get in until 11pm at night and I arrive at 12. His aunt picks me up from the airport at 12:30 chaeuffer style, like a boss and we head to downtown Bangkok. She takes me to a pretty swank restaurant and orders about double amount of food I can stuff into my face.

"Try the papaya salad, it is the best. But be careful with the little green peppers, we call them 'mouse tails' "

I look at the pepper and it's more cute than intimadating. I pop it in my mouth and chew, she wasn't kidding, it packed a little bit of a kick. She giggled while I asked the waiter to refill my ice water. After lunch we drive cross town to her condo. I get an entire bedroom to myself. The view wasn't too shabby either.



No sharing beds on this trip since I'm a big boy now. I set up shop and waste some time checking email. I get a little of cabin fever and tell Nick's auntie that I'm gonna take a stroll outside for a few hours.

"Do you think you'll be able to find your way back?"

I shake my head yes and say that I think I can handle it. The streets are littered with people getting off of work and the traffic is bumper to bumper, albeit on the wrong side of the road. I stumble into a large park and watch kids play basketball and skateboard. It is hot as hell and I have no idea how anybody can stand the heat despite it being winter and I wonder how much worse it could get during the summer. I'm only sitting and I'm sweating.

I get back around dinner time and the meal is almost prepared. I don't have to lift a finger and I feel a little bit like a prince. Nick's aunt has got be the most gracious host ever, the only other time I've ever met her was a year ago when I stayed at his grandma's condo in Taipei and only for like 2 hours because we didn't get back until 8 in the morning from a night of debauchery. I guess she's not the judging type.

After dinner we watch a movie and she calls the driver so we can head to the airport to pick up Nick. His flight lands on time and we get back into the car.

"Do you think you can handle going out right now?" I look at the clock and it's already 12:30am.

"Fuck yeah."

"You want to shower or anything?"

"Nah, it's cool, I've got deoderant."

And that is why I love travelling with this motherfucker. All rules fly out the window including cleanliness. We get back to the condo around 1, drop off his shit, and we're out the door by 1:30.

"What time are you guys going to be coming back home?" Nick shrugs and his aunt sighs. "You are naughty boys."

Naughty isn't exactly the right word, but it's close enough. We head to the closest 7 11 and get ready for some heavy pre drinking, only to find out that they have stopped selling alcohol at 2am. I thought that Bangkok was a no-holds barred party town. Oh, how little I knew then.

We hop a cab and Nick asks the driver about a popular bar that he's been to before. Thank god he knows a little bit of Thai and we aren't getting royaly screwed by cabbies. The driver says that Soi Cowboy is already closed, but that he'll take us to another club called "Bossy" that is open until 6am. Sounds like a plan.

We pull up to Bossy and there are tons of foreigners and tons a skanky looking girls. Mini skirts, stilettos, fuck me boots, push up bras, hair did and I look over at Nick and his jaw is just as low as mine. I notice that they're actually patting people down at the door so we go around the corner and I throw my knife into a planter pot.

"Don't let me forget that thing."

We pay the entrance fee and get patted down and the doorman opens up the front door. What we are greeted with I probably won't ever experience again.

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