the lovers

they met at a small nondescript diner at the edge of the city. it was a thursday afternoon and the weather had been dreary as of late, the landscape covered interminable drizzle.

the woman was young, with a fairly slight build, her wavy hair worn naturally down to her shoulders. she was wearing a wool, winter coat with a hood which she took off upon entering the door, chiming a bell attached. he was already there at a table in the back waiting for her. he stood up as she approached and they embraced hard as if they had not seen each other for ages.

"oh, my love i've missed you so" he said brushing strands of hair out of her face. he kissed her softly on the brow.

"i've missed you too" she replied her eyes sparkling brightly, her mouth a flash of white. she looked at him coyly.

his hair was flat as he had been wearing a hat to ward off the damp, a scarf still wrapped around his neck. they sat, holding hands across the table. they didn't speak for a few moments, gladly basking in each other's company, staring intently at one another.

the diner was old and the carpet was weathered. the lone waitress in a starch pressed uniform came and took their orders.

"we'll just have two coffees please" he said. "i feel like i haven't seen you in lifetimes."

"i know, it's just hard to find time. my work is driving me insane. then there's the kids and their schedule..." she trailed off as he nodded in empathetic agreement.

"how are you holding up?"

"i'm okay, it just gets real lonely. i'm so happy to see you."

"you have no idea sweetheart." he leaned across the table and she came in for a kiss.

the waitress brought them the coffees and put a saucer full of creamers next to them.

"we have really got to stop meeting at places like this, it's dreadful."

"i would meet you at the ends of the earth if i had to, but you know how it is."

"i know"

"how's the firm?"

"they're about to make me partner" he replied "they owe it to me, i've definitely put in my time."

she clasped her hands together excitedly and crinkled her eyes. "oh i'm so happy for you, congratulations that's terrific news!"

"it just really means that i'm going to be stuck there for the rest of my natural life."

"oh don't be sour, it's great  news." she grabbed his hand in hers and examined them together, like a child looking at something new. "i want to go celebrate, i'm gonna take you out to dinner" she winked at him.

"i would like that, when?"

"it's going to have to be awhile, this little rendezvous was already hard enough."

the rain started up again outside and pitter-pattered against the window, blurring the world outside. every once in awhile a car motored by, but the diner and the streets were mostly silent. they stared out into the haze, happily content to share this momentary bliss, knowing that soon it would be gone and that they would have to return to their prospective lives, without each other. the emptiness and loneliness without the other a daily pang, which they had learned to accept during their few months of courtship.

the door bell chimed, a woman in a raincoat walked in, shaking off her umbrella. she put one finger up to the waitress indicating that she was alone. she glanced around the diner and stopped when she saw the couple in the corner. a look of puzzlement came over her eyes.

"hey, audrey is that you?"

the couple turned and looked at the woman who just walked in. a panic crept over audrey and her face went a pale shade of green. she stood up.

"hello emily, it's such a coincidence seeing you here." they walked towards each other and embraced.

"i know, i was just out getting my nails done and got stuck in this rain so i figured i would stop in for a bite."

"how are the kids?"

"oh, you know, a handful." emily kept glancing over at the table so audrey felt obligated to give some sort of explanation.

"this, is my friend... dylan." dylan stood up from the table to make introductions. "we went to college together and he was in town so i thought we'd grab a cup of coffee and reminisce."

emily took dylan's hand and smiled at him but not with her eyes.

"well, tell john i say hello and that i would love to get the children together sometime soon" she said to audrey. "looks like the rain has stopped, i'll talk to you soon audrey, nice to meet you dylan."

emily rushed off in a bustle, completely forgetting the fact that she had come into the diner to grab a bite.

"who was that?" asked dylan. audrey seemed to be visibly shaken.

"emily is a family friend, we've known each other since we were children. she know's john for chrissake."

"well, i'm just a college friend. you just told her yourself. everything will be fine."

"no it won't dylan, you don't know her" she was trembling slightly and bit at her lower lip. "she's going to tell everyone. listen we can't see each other for awhile."

"i think you're blowing this out of proportion audrey."

"no, no, no. you don't understand," she was whimpering a little bit now. her eyes welled and she was on the verge of tears. the smile and coyness gone, replaced only with fear and impending dread. "this is it dylan, i cannot see you anymore. if this gets out it will tear my family apart."

"audrey, relax. we can talk about this," he took her in his arms and held her close. he could feel her sob with each breath. "i love you audrey, let's not act brash."

"no dylan. this is it. emily will tell john. i can't do this. this has all been a horrible mistake." she picked up her coat to leave.

"please audrey..."

"no dylan, i'm sorry. i can't right now. i've got to go."

dylan watched as she walked out ringing the chime on the door. audrey picked up the pace, covering her head with her hands to block the rain and turned the corner. and like that, she was gone. dylan sat back down and stared at the coffee cups in front of him, bewildered. there was nothing that he could do at a moment like this. he loved her and he wanted more than anything to be with her. but it couldn't work out that way and he knew it in his heart from the very beginning.

fatheads

i was hanging out at my artist's open studio festivities last friday. it was really not that fun. sure, i met a lot of other artist's and got to see their current work, but it was more like some lame meet and greet at a 4-H club get together. i fucking hate meeting new people, so to take the edge off i had a few drinks before going to the event. i wasn't trying to get crazy or anything, i just wanted to mellow out a bit.

i met this kid named andrew, heavy set fellow with two months growth. he did abstract work and it really wasn't that impressive, but he was real passionate about it and spoke of it eloquently. i met his girlfriend, who looked like a young heather graham and she was all smiles. andrew was real into chatting it up with passerby, so me and young heather caroused the open studios together.

there were wine stations on every floor so every time i saw one, i reached for another glass. heather and i rapped art and she was cute and i enjoyed the company. she wanted to see my work so we made our way up to my studio on the third floor.

as we were walking to my space, she pointed out two older, white gentlemen sitting next to a wine station. "those are the two owners of the building" she said pointing them out. i picked up a bottle of half finished white from the table under the discriminating eye of one of the owners. we walked to my studio and she gushed over my pieces and machine-gunned questions at me. she really liked a painting of mine and i told her it was hers, but she insisted that she couldn't so i said that i could just trade andrew for one of his pieces.

after awhile, she said she was gonna go back downstairs and i took the remnants of the bottle of white and put it back on the table next to the two owners. one of them stood up, picked up the bottle, and said "here, you might as well finish it", like i was some sort of low-life piece of shit and it really rubbed me the wrong way. i chugged the bottle in his face.

i walked around a bit more, chatted with some more artists, but i was getting seriously bored. i saw heather again and told her about my little encounter with the owners and she giggled. i was a little tight at this point and wanted to really take a dig at the two pretentious pricks, sitting all smug in their chairs as if their shit didn't stink.

it's always been in my nature to be brash and a little brutish. i really don't like someone getting the better of me or feeling like i've been undermined in any way. several times, i've wanted to call my ex gf and tell her that she is a miserable cunt. several times, i've wanted to find jimmy choo who suckered punched me in the 10th grade and give him a what's what. but i don't, because in the end these things don't really matter.

but that night i felt like being a complete asshole, so i walked back to the wine station next to the two owners. i surveyed the bottles and picked up a nice bottle of half empty red. i made sure the two smug fatheads were watching and i took a big long swig out of it. one of them stood up and walked towards me and said "okay that's it, you're out of here". i laughed in his face and blew the other guy a kiss and walked out.

maybe it wasn't the most graceful exit ever, but i've been kicked out of finer establishments than that. do i regret my actions? no. would i do it again? probably. did it solve any problems? absolutely not, if anything i'm probably on their shit list and pending a quick dismissal from my space.

heather witnessed the whole transaction and was quite enthralled by it, like it was the most exciting thing she had seen in awhile. we met andrew downstairs and heather regaled him with the tale and by the look in his eyes, he was not much impressed. but i really didn't really give a fuck either way. really i am just glad there wasn't an eviction letter hanging from my wall on monday morning.

girls from my past

i took this girl from my past out a little while ago, nice little fusion place in the outer mission. i don't know why i ever even really bother with girls from my past anyways. if it didn't work out before, it sure as hell probably isn't gonna work now or any time in the future. i guess i'm still a sucker for a pretty face.

seeing her was okay, we talked about the past, about the people we both knew, about things that were going on now, and about things we wanted to do in the future. to be honest, it was mostly mundane pleasantries and i was much more excited about the food.

we met each other during very tumultuous times in our lives and i suppose that's just how you remember people sometimes. she asked me midway through the meal if i was still getting into fights. i said no, that i was too old for that shit and that i had a reputation to think about now. she looked as if she were disappointed. as if the old facade of my past was the only thing she was ever chasing.

i remember the last scuffle i got in which had me laid out for a few days with a broken face. it wasn't fun. mostly i laid there thinking about how i should have seen that knee coming and how much i sucked for getting my face broken. i really deserved it either way.

i hold on to the past quite a bit, a little too much of a sentimental fool. my mom always tells me how i was that kid that would run around the restaurant causing a goddamn ruckus in public. i was always thought that there was a little bit of the devil inside me and sometimes i miss the good times we had. running around unabashed with no regard to anything else but our immediate wants.

i walked her to her car after dinner and we said we would see each other and all that, but knew it wasn't true. sometimes i look back on my life and there are many regrets and moments of severe self-loathing. and i think it's that way for a lot of people. i don't know why i ever even really bother with girls from my past anyways. they're nothing but trouble.