Vice happens. They are the little tics you itch at when things seem to bother you, those little bastards which cling onto your arm and which will never seem to leave you alone. They are the leeches which will suck you dry, only until you realize they are there before you flick them off. And sometimes they come in hoards. Interminable furies which you cannot subdue.
I've been at the card room a lot lately. I play texa's hold-em which was became quite popularized in my generation after its airplay on espn during my years throughout college, despite the fact that it is quite obviously not a sport. It's not hard to get get caught up in all that mess. It's quite easy to make money playing cards if you have the self-discipline, patience and will-power, but for the layman (your dear protagonist) it is merely a game of chance, sprinkled with bouts of brilliance, negated with defeats of historical proportions.
I've never been quite good with money. I'll never let myself starve, but I've never been exactly thrifty about luxury expenses. It's what it is I suppose. But back to vices. I've let them take a chokehold on me lately. I drink too much, been hitting the indian peace pipe again, and gambling away money which I can't really deal much to part with. I suppose a lot of it has to do with loneliness and not being with people enough, but most of it has to do with me and my own lack discretion.
Work has been subpar. I can't sleep at night and insomnia follows me deep into the morning breaths of dawn. I don't know what is wrong. I know what I have to do, the road lies ahead of me, I just have to bear through the journey, but I have been forestalling. Complacent to lie in the open.
I wish life were easier, a "dummies guide to" for instance. It is so very hard to be happy. But being happy is very much arbitrary. Anyways, here are two pieces I've been working on for a group show in September, they're almost there.
I'd once again like to give a big shout out to all the people who've supported me at shows or bought one of my pieces. I love you all.
