I was up last night til about 5, making a book for my research project on the history of paper and its significance leading up to the Gutenberg Press, riveting stuff, and it turned out like shit. I was suppose to wake up at 9 so I could make it to a class workshop so I could get some projects critiqued before I had to turn them in. I woke up at 11 and missed the train downtown.
I was late to class and had to turn in my mediocre project. We had to do presentations on them and I flubbed extravagantly. I didn't have time to eat so I had a monster and funyons, meal of champions. We got our midterms back which I thought I did alright on, but was proven otherwise. The day was not going well. The professor didn't hand me back my essay so I went up to his desk to shuffle through the papers. He reprimanded me for touching his "personal" stuff and told me to sit down.
After class I had to take the Bart down to the Mission to go to my internship at the Intersection for the arts, I had a little time so I decided to grab some lunch. I've been reading "Ham on Rye" by Charles Bukowski so I pull that out while I'm having my vietnamese vermicelli. It's a semi-autobiography and some parts reenact parts of his life where he has gotten into fights and has basically beaten the shit out of people. All I could think about was all the times that I had gotten my ass kicked and knocked out cold, waking up with a swollen face and loose teeth. Other parts recount his inability to interact with girls and how he has never had a meaningful relationship with women. I start thinking about the last girl I had been seeing and how she rejected me after I told her that I liked her. I pay for my food and head down Valencia.
At my internship, we've been prepping for a show by Migdalia Valdes "Everyday in Black and White" in which she chronicles her life for the past decade through daily photos, found objects, and journals. I've been working on prep work for the past week or so and my job has been to cut and document about 18 months of daily photos; it has taken me 6 hours to get through a month and a half. I suppose at least I get to listen to whatever hell type of music I want.
So by the end of the day, I'm brain dead, tired, and really don't feel like I'm worth anything. I call it a day and walk outside to have a cigarette after I pack up my shit full of all sorts of self-pity. I sit on a hydrant outside trying to plan out the rest of my day, what assignments I have to finish up, if there is food in the fridge and basically being a negative nancy. The program director at the Intersection, Sean, comes out and starts talking to a man who is sitting next to an SUV with a rag and a bottle of car cleaner. The man is around 60 with deep creases in his face and obviously lives on the streets but he's got a huge smile on his face. He's scrubbing at the right door panel where there is some slight damage. Sean and the man banter and chit chat and I see Sean hand him a five. They joke and laugh and Sean goes back inside. Down the other side of the street I hear shouting down the street, a lady (obviously a crack head) is having a verbal shouting match with her boyfriend/pimp.
"I need my fucking money!"
"Fuck you."
"Don't you be talking to me like that!"
"Fuck you, don't you ever fucking talk to me again."
"That's fine with me bitch" the man says as he turns and heads down the street.
"Fuck you, I need beer. I need to be drunk" she shouts after him through sobs and hysteria. "Don't you ever call me again I won't ever talk to you again."
She passes me and the man cleaning the car, yelling and crying. The man just leans back and guffaws. "Even when days are bad, I'm just glad that I ain't with a lady like that. I am just happy sitting out here doing my thing and helping out when I can to make a couple of bucks" he says as he winks at me. And at that moment I can't help but smile with him. I realize how silly and trivial I am about everything. My circumstances, school, work, life: my whole day had just been put into perspective. And I can't help but walk down to the Bart to catch my train home with a huge grin on my face.
