handyman

i'm doing a bit of traveling in the next several months. i think a lot of it has to do purely with escape, but a lot more so because i feel like my life has become banal. i want to shake things up, get out there, feel young again, but these are all immaterial things.

i know that no change in scenery, no woman, no friends, or family will ever help me change things. they mean a great deal to me and my life, but no one will save me except myself. it makes me feel utterly lonely sometimes thinking about it. what if i can never shake this monkey, what if this is as good as it gets?

as i get older, i've started talking to my parent's a lot more. i suppose i don't really ever tell anyone anything really, but it's nice just to hear their voices and to hear about their day and so on and so forth. they live a 14 hr. flight away, so getting to see them doesn't happen often. it makes me sad sometimes, but then i think about my mom badgering me about some infinitesimally mundane thing and i'm not as sad anymore.

i've been doing a lot more drawing lately. for some reason i've been avoiding the studio like the plague.

friends come and go and most always, it's for the best.

sometimes i just need a hug.

stick a needle through my eye.

i've always felt that the true spirit of a man is found in a fight.

no matter what, their voices never completely leave me.

my friend recently called me a lovelorn fool. maybe she's right. maybe it's time to stop fixing the end of every relationship with another relationship. i stop for a moment and realize that i haven't been single since my early 20's. now, maybe it's just time to fix myself.