I wrote this two or three years ago, when I first started testing my writing chops. It is autobiographical for the most part save a few minor details.
The taxi cab stopped outside a brightly, neon lit building. Not exactly the bright lights of Vegas. Two men, presumably the bouncers, dressed in old, navy green, Chinese military style garbs opened the street side door. I stepped out into the bitter, blue cold and pulled up the collar on my jacket. Mr. Liu stepped out after me. “Cold huh?” he asked as he took out a pack of smokes from his pocket. I nodded in agreement. The sidewalk was littered with trash. Next to the garish building we were about to enter was a street vendor selling corn on the cob, next to him was a vendor selling red bean cakes shaped like little fish. "No you remember that this is between me and you, don't go telling your dad about this." I shake my head in the affirmative, I just wanted to get out of the hotel and get some drinks.
My dad thought it would be good training for me if I followed some of his top level Sales Executives to a business trip throughout Southeastern Chinese provinces, a sort of proving grounds if you will. It’d always been the plan that I would work for the old man after school, a passing of the torch from father to son. So much for traditions.
Four girls in faux, fur coats greeted as at the door, each taking a slight bow. The lobby was adorned with cheap paper lanterns and replica Chinese landscapes which had long since lost their luster. Adjacent to the front door was the reception counter with another young lady in a fur coat. “Miss Wang is waiting for you on the third floor” she told Mr. Liu. We took the stairs on the right side of the room.
“You’re not going to introduce yourself?” Mr. Liu asked, turning to me.
“My name is Daniel” I said.
She turned back to Mr. Liu, “Your son?” He smiled and shook his head. “My boss’s son, mine’s still in high school” he said through a half grin.
“Well young man I hope you enjoy yourself tonight.” She was wearing a traditional red Chinese gown and had her hair tied tautly into a bun. “Your room is prepared; it’s the third door on the left, number twenty three” She said as she led us through the hall.
At the end of the corridor, about twenty yards away, I saw an older man in a business suit. He had a girl cornered and she seemed visibly upset. “Please, let’s just get back into the room. Your friends are waiting for you” she pleaded as she squirmed unsuccessfully away from him. The man grinned, revealing a mouthful of yellow-black decay. “Please, let’s just go back” she begged. The man continued to paw at her. I wondered where the bouncers with the navy green garbs were.
“C’mon Daniel” Mr. Liu said inviting me into the room. I headed into the room. Already inside was Mr. Cheng, another business associate of the company, I had met him when I was younger. He received me courteously and told me to take a seat. Room twenty three was a dimly lit small, square box, furnished with a wraparound couch, a large coffee table replete with snacks and liquor, and a karaoke machine hooked up to a TV set. An attendant who had been standing next to the character was waved away. Mr. Liu sat in the middle of the couch, I sat on the right end and Mr. Cheng sat opposite of me.
Mr. Cheng asked me if I was still going to school. I told him that I had a year to go and would most likely work for my father afterwards. “That’s great news Daniel, a regular chip off the old block” he complimented through an exhale of smoke. He asked me if I remembered the last time I had seen him. I answered in the affirmative. It was Christmas dinner about two years ago back home.
“I hope you’re not expecting too much Elliot” Mr. Liu said, “It’s late so most of the prettier girls will probably have left.”
I shrugged and looked at my watch; it was only 9:30. There was a knock on the door. Miss Wang reappeared, this time accompanied with ten girls who shuffled quietly into the room, eyes downcast. Each of them wore skimpy outfits which looked cheap even in the meager light. I looked at Mr. Liu and Mr. Cheng for instruction, but they were busy devouring the assembly line. The girls were all thin and wore plastic smiles with light lipstick smeared around their lips, there were so many faces that they were all mixed into a maddening blur. They were all attractive for the most part, save for a few unsightly birthmarks; all of them were young, probably a lot younger than I was with sad, begging eyes despite the smiles, a parade of meat. “Do you gentlemen see anyone you like?” Miss Wang asked. The girls stood rigid in their nylon dresses, their hands clutched behind their backs.
“Hmm, why don’t you send up another batch?” Mr. Liu requested.
“Yes, of course. I’ll be right back, let’s go girls.” She commanded. The smiles were gone and they returned to their downcast shuffle. The ten girls exited as quietly as they had entered.
“I told you that they might not be that pretty” Mr. Liu said through a relaxed yawn. Mr. Cheng chuckled and grabbed a handful of peanuts off a tray on the table. I poured myself a drink, plum liquor on the rocks. Not exactly my drink of choice, but it was alcohol. I swigged half the wine glass and let the sweet, sour liquor sit on my palate. I felt the liquor creep down my throat and settle in the pit of my stomach.
We chatted about the next day’s traveling schedule; we were going to
“You see anyone you like this time gentlemen?” Miss Wang asked.
I studied the girls. I wasn’t quite sure what to do so I settled into my drink.
“What kind of girls do you like?” Miss Wang asked directing the question at me. “What about the lovely young girl in the green jacket?” She was pointing to a tall girl third from the left. She had cascading, dark hair which she let hang straight loose and she stared at me intently. She gave me a look as if to suggest innocent naiveté, she batted her eyes.
“Sure” I replied.
“Her name is Suzy” Miss Wang said as Suzy made her way towards my end of the couch. “I’m sure you two will get along just fine.”
Suzy took a seat next to me and crossed her legs. She turned and smiled at me and offered her slight, slender hand. I took it and introduced myself. She then nonchalantly put a hand on my upper thigh which prompted to make me shift uncomfortably. She giggled and told me to relax. I thought about telling her that having a stranger cupping my nuts wasn't exactly in the plans. Mr. Liu and Mr. Cheng then each chose a girl of their own. Mr. Liu and Mr. Cheng were enjoying themselves, they were laughing and joking, sipping on their drinks and eating the cold meat plates and fruits which sat on the coffee table.
Mr. Cheng had one hand around a girl who was wearing a white tube top and a white miniskirt. The other hand held a half gnawed chicken wing with the other half smeared across his lips. The girl’s name I found out to be May. She was a small girl with a full bosom which was resting comfortably against Mr. Cheng. She leaned into him and nudged her head flirtingly into his shoulder. Mr. Liu’s girl sat on his lap. She was whispering in his ear, she cooed and hummed and Mr. Liu’s hand crept across her lap, ventured slowly up her navel, continued up sideways across her ribs, and finally came to rest, on a breast. I took another drink, good times.
“How are you going to have a drink without me?” Suzy asked. She smiled brightly and tilted her head to the side. She plucked an empty glass off the table and filled it. She showed me her teeth again; they were small, white, and pretty. She took the glass off the table and poured herself a drink. “Cheers” she said as she raised her glass. “Cheers” we all replied as well busily clinked cups. I wondered how often my father was a part of these business meetings.
“So what do you do Daniel?” she asked while inching her hand up my thigh.
“I’m in college.”
“Really, where are you studying?” she asked with vague interest leaning ever so slightly foward.
“English,” I replied.
“Wow, that’s impressive.”
“Sure, why not.”
“Where do you go to school?”
“In
“You sure speak Chinese well for someone who studies in another country.”
“I speak it with my parents,” I said as I looked at her closely for the first time. She had big, beautifully empty eyes. She looked at me like she had looked at hundreds of other men.
“So how is it out in
“I guess it’s alright, there’s the good and bad. It can’t be any better or worse than anywhere else.” What I didn’t tell her was that I had never wanted to take over my dad’s business. What I didn’t tell her was that I wanted to go home and see Terri, my girlfriend at the time.
She kissed my cheek. “I’m sure it’s wonderful. You are so lucky.” She didn’t speak for awhile; I knew she was imagining all the grandiosity which was
While I chatted with Suzy, Mr. Liu and Cheng were busy playing a drinking game which involved dice, a hybrid between 7-11 dubs and bullshit. Loser was taking sips of the plum wine. Mr. Liu told me to join, but I declined to play. The last thing I wanted to do was learn another game. Suzy took my place instead. She knew the game quite well and I sat back and watched nursing my drink. I later found out that Suzy was only twenty one years old and had been working as a prostitute for the last two years.
“Don’t you want to go back to school?”
“School was never for me” she replied, “I had to support my family anyways, this is the fastest way for a girl to make money. And when you work for places like this, it’s pretty safe.” She fiddled with a charm bracelet she wore on her left arm.
“So what do you do all day besides being at work?”
“Well, usually I wake up around 2pm and watch TV. I live with my little sister in an apartment about 10 minutes away from here. She also works here. We usually start getting ready for work a little after dinner. We get to work around 8 and we work until whenever the customers are gone.”
I thought about what she said. “Don’t you ever get bored?”
“No, besides the weird sleeping schedule I don’t mind it so much I guess. I can only really do this for a few more years. Girls over 25 stop getting work.”
I wondered how she could be so happy with such a miserable life. I could imagine the malaise in which Suzy and her sister spent their lives, but I guess that it was only relative, she was probably making a lot more money doing this than anything else.
Suzy lost another hand and had to drink quite a bit of wine as compensation. She scrunched her face and complained. She accused Mr. Liu of cheating and refused to drink. When she got mad, her brow grew tight and stern. Mr. Liu laughed and offered to drink her losses for her, neither denying nor confirming her accusations. “It’s just a game young lady, no need to get all uppity” he said in response.
“You obviously lost the hand” she accused. “You rolled a two sevens and a three! You lost the hand.”
Mr. Liu snatched his dice from the table. “So you’re calling me a liar?”
“Yes, you lost the hand and you’re trying to make me drink.”
“Why would I do something like that?”
Suzy was worked up and defiant about her position. She left her drink on the table and told me that she was going to use the restroom. She muttered something about cheaters and being deceitful. Mr. Liu laughed again. Suzy gave him a dirty look and left the room haughtily. Mr. Liu licked his lips and laughed as he took out his cigarettes. He handed me one and lit it for me. “That one’s got some fire in her huh?” he joked. “You having a good time Daniel?”
I was pretty drunk and Suzy was cute and things weren’t so bad. “What do you think about Suzy?” He asked. “She seems like a nice girl,” he said answering to his own question.
“Yeah she’s nice.”
“Well you remember that before we leave you have tip her, give her $15. You’ve got that much right?”
“Yeah” I answered.
He seemed to pause and think before he told me what he told me next. It was one of those statements that would show where I stood. I shook my head in understanding.
“It’s just a part of the business” Mr. Liu explained. “This is just how the way things work out here.” He said as the girl in the white tube top shrieked and threw her head back in delight as Mr. Cheng buried his head into her bosom. The door opened and Suzy came back inside looking much more complacent than when she had left. She returned to the seat next to me and promptly placed her hand back onto its resting place. I didn't fidget.
“Your friend Mr. Liu is a cheater.”
“Is he now? I’m sure he was only teasing” I said.
“He was not! He wouldn’t drink when he lost and I caught him lying about his roll” she said as she scrunched up her face again. “I guess I’m use to it, some men are just born liars.”
I took another sip and wondered what I would have done if there were no plum wine in the room. I remembered the Christmas party where I had met Mr. Cheng a few years back. It was a business party which I was forced to go every year, the type that was laden with compulsory pleasantries. I remembered what a great time everyone had, clinking glasses and eating fancy French hors’ devours. I remembered meeting Mr. Cheng and his wife and two little girls.
By now I had grown accustomed to Suzy’s hand despite it being somewhat awkward. She saw that my glass was empty and took it from me and refilled it with the decanter that sat on the table. The decanter was almost empty, no one motioned for more. The plates were left only with a few chicken bones and unwanted condiments. As if on cue, two busboys entered the room cleared off the mess and returned with new plates and more food and another bottle of wine. One of the busboys took out a bottle opener from his left pocket and deftly uncorked the screw. They exited as quickly as they had entered. I took a cigarette out of Mr. Liu’s pack which he had left on the table and lit it. Mr. Cheng was being fed by the girl in the white tube top. Suzy sighed and rested her head on my shoulder.
“So what are you doing for Chinese New Year’s?” I asked her. It happened to be the year of the pig, a year that would bring good fortune and happiness.
She answered off my shoulder “My sister and I are going to work another week and then go back home to Su Zhou.”
“When’s the last time you were home?” I asked as I took another huge slug of the plum wine emptying my glass.
“About a year ago” Once again she reached for my glass, but this time she placed it on the table. She grabbed the new bottle and poured it into the decanter along with a tin full ice. The ice jingled and clanked happily. “I don’t really like going home much. I don’t really get along with my parents.” She handed my glass back to me after she had refilled it.
“Do they know what you do?” I asked offhandedly.
“Of course not” she said looking at me as if I had asked if the sun was hot. “All they want is the money I bring home anyhow. With the money I’ll bring home this time, it’ll be enough to repair our old roof.”
“So there are no other jobs you would do that would pay you as much?”
“No, but it’s not really so bad. I only choose boys that I like anyways, usually they’re young and handsome just like you, Miss Wang knows that” she said and I could think about was how she was lying right to my face, like she actually had a choice.
“Is Miss Wang your boss?” I ask.
She laughed. “I guess in a sense. She doesn’t own this place, but she runs and manages us girls. But in a sense she’s like a mom. A lot of the girls call her that.”
“What?”
“Mom.”
“Oh.”
Suzy was getting a little red and her eyes seemed glazed and lost.
“That’s nice” I said taking another drink. She continued her reverie.
“He was rich and he bought me a lot of pretty things” She said.
“So why didn’t you just marry him?”
The fantasy was snapped and she looked up from her charm and laughed at me. “Now that’s a silly question. How do you suppose he was going to marry me?” she asked with a touch of spite. At that moment I felt as if I knew very little in the world. I took another drink; Suzy sighed lightly and buried her head into my shoulder again. The decanter was passed around again and again and soon everything was finished once again. The busboys returned but this time Mr. Liu told them to bring him the check.
I gulped down the rest of wine. The other two girls left abruptly without saying a word. “Since you enjoyed that wine so much how about I’ll give you a bottle as a gift?" Suzy asked.
“It’s okay, I’ve had quite enough to drink and I really didn’t really enjoy it much.”
“No really, I insist.”
“No thank you, I really don't like plum wine much” I say as I stifled a sour burp. The sugars from the wine made my head ache.
She seemed to be disheartened. I suddenly felt bad for not accepting the present which she offered, even though it was source of my present dissatisfaction, but asking for the gift now would have been in bad form. The moment had passed. I just felt like getting back to the hotel. “I’m going to go change” Suzy said and left the room just as the other two girls had before her. Mr. Liu scooted up next to me. “So what do you think?” he said.
“It was okay.”
“You hungry? We’re gonna take the girls out and go have some more fun.”
“I’m not sure” I checked my watch, it was about 11:30, we were suppose to wake up and be at the airport by seven.
“C’mon Daniel, don’t be like that, the night is young and we have pretty girls with us. Here” He said as he took a handful of crumpled, sweaty bills to me. “If you do decide to take Suzy out for a date tonight, remember to tip her $50 afterwards.”
The plum wine was doing funny things to my stomach and I wanted to lie down. The girls returned and had replaced their tight skirts and tops with comfortable shorts and jackets. They seemed eager and relaxed from the alcohol. They giggled and huddled together and waited for us to make a move.
“So what about it Daniel?” Mr. Liu asked. “Take your time; we’re going to go downstairs to pay the bill and get a cab.” Mr. Liu and company soon departed out the room and could be heard talking boisterously down the dark marble steps into the lobby below. Suzy had tied her hair back and was wearing cute low cut jeans and the pointy heels which were in fashion at the time. She smiled at me and her two earrings danced and twinkled.
She sat on my lap and clasped her slender little hands behind my head. She beckoned caressingly with her nose and batted her eyelashes on my cheek. She got up slowly and walked up towards the door. She looked back at me yearningly with her beautiful, empty eyes. I accompanied her down the stairs and out across the hall. The four girls in the faux, fur coats bowed again as we exited. Mr. Liu and company were already in a taxi and motioned us in. I didn’t know what else to do so I went into the cab, with Suzy in tow. I got in first and Suzy sat on my lap on account of Mr. Cheng and whoever she was were also in the back and Mr. Cheng and his girl were extremely cramped in the front seat, obviously violating several traffic saftey violations. The girls giggled exuberantly and Suzy clasped her small hand on my cheeks for warmth. “Thanks” she mouthed and smiled. Her bangs played across her face as air rushed from the open windows up front. The taxi darted deftly through light, downtown traffic as the scenery soon grew into a blur of neon streaks, flying hair, the sweet stench of the city streets. Suzy placed her now familiar hand back on my thigh, it no longer felt alien. Mr. Cheng had his hand under a shirt and another clasped around a neck. A moan could be heard in the busyness of the situation.
“You hungry Charlie?”
“What?”
“You hungry? I’m going to have some food delivered. And you girls?”
“No I’m okay.” I answer.
“Yeah make that three orders..” I hear Mr. Cheng say into his cell phone as we zip past the dreary lights, and people, and buildings. Mr. Cheng was staying at a company condo in a gated community just across the street from a Walmart that had just opened up and we were going there to have the little shindig.
I always had reservations about paying for sex, but I guess that I only live once and could not think of any other instance which I would experience such an event. So I just remembered telling myself that Suzy was just a nice girl that I was out on a date with. And I remember thinking that this was all some delicately, intricate ruse.
And that this wasn’t anything out of the extraordinary, me sitting in a cab with two married, middle-aged businessmen and three whores. Yes, quite nothing out of the ordinary and all I could think about was what Terri was doing and when the next time I would see her would be. I started getting really homesick all of a sudden and all I really wanted was to go home and see her.
Modern Day Cowboy
Living in a city like San Francisco, like any international city, where crime is relatively low (in most areas) and people are accepting of differences and eccentricities, it is a little haven away from what the world really is. A bubble of daily life, a hodgepodge of people zipping through the streets, unawares of anything else besides the new fashionable political/environmental/business/celebrity gossip topic. Not ever really knowing what danger and chance really are.The only battles fought now are through commerce, conference rooms oftentimes referred to as war rooms, fighting with words and money, the most cultured of warfare.
Our country was built upon manifest destiny, a striving to West across the vastness of middle America, where treachery and loneliness abounded. It is easy to forget that, living in a city: people have nice safe little lives, visit quaint cafes, sit at the park, and tour galleries on First Thursday walks. A little city of atmosphere and culture.
What happened to men being men? I don't mean the glamorized lifestyle of rappers and gangster type shit, but knowing how to use your hands, standing in the face of confrontation, not backing out when shit hits the fan. Most people prefer their safe little bubbles, putting money down on a mortgage, decorating their condos, voting for their party. The roamers and cowboys of the West are a thing long forgotten, only to be seen portrayed by the likes of John Wayne and the Marlboro man.
I met Q back in college. He is a menacing man who walks with a lumbering gait, shoulders always hunched aggressively forward like a cagefighter entering the ring. He is the type of person you would avoid making eye contact with if passing down a narrow sidewalk. His knuckles are calloused and hard from years of abuse, on his left shoulder is "V" shaped scar, a souvenir from a brawl a few years back. Despite the outwardly intimidating appearance, he is a loyal friend, university educated with a degree in bioscience, and a stolid force in even the most compromising situations.
He grew up fighting in the streets of Ramona, a city outside of San Diego, fighting for pride, fighting with his hands, fighting for everything that was not given to him. Comparatively, most men are nancy boys. I'm not advocating violence, I just lack respect for any man who has never fought and stood up for anything before, to have been built without a spine, raised on education and culture alone. Many people forget that when shit goes awry, we still must fight, and we must know how.
We meet at a dive bar in Ramona, his local hangout. The place is filled with hicks who give me side glances, we order Coors Light.
On his education:
"I'm the first one in my family with a college degree. To most fucking people out here, that's amazing. My grandfather left me a trust to pay for college and without it, I don't think I would have gone, I would either have ended up in the army, jail, or dead. I fucking love science, its the answer to how everything works. I actually really enjoyed being in college, it was definitely different from where I grew up. I'm still trying to apply to pharmacy school, but right now I'm just working as a substitute teacher and a nurse."
On women/marriage:
"Fuck marriage. It's about the stupidest thing any man can do to himself. My friend Tyler who I use to run with got his girl pregnant a few years back and all he ever does now is work and take care of his kids. Doesn't have a fucking life. And you know what's happening now? He's getting a fucking divorce and has to pay child support. Fucking idiot. I don't think I'll ever be in a relationship, every time I fuck a girl I just don't like her anymore. The only thing I can see myself doing is having a girl from each country in the world, have myself an international family."
On growing up:
"It was never easy having nothing. My parents didn't give a shit what I did. They were pretty fucked up themselves in the head. In the streets, everyone hated everyone else. You stuck to your group and they were family. We were never a gang, we didn't carry weapons or nothing. We fought everyone, the blacks, Mexicans, and the other trailer trash kids. I supported myself by selling 40's and weed to other kids. It wasn't about territory, or whatever the fuck gangs fight for now."
On fighting:
"We just liked to fight, if someone said some shit to you and you didn't like it, you took care of it or you're going to be known as a pussy. Fuck, we fought for the stupidest reasons, but it was what it was." He says this with a grin. "There's nothing like coming out of a fight with your hands all cut up from the other guy's face. We use to set up fights and just go at it. I've been in so many fights now I don't even remember them all. Most people won't fight you unless they're drunk or have somebody else there to back them up. Fuck that."
"People will hear about you from other towns, about how you're good with your hands so you have to fight them. We used to set them up at a buddy's back yard. Sometimes people would put money down."
"I've only been knocked out cold once. That's when I was young and stupid and thought that I could take on anybody. This Mexican dude down the street was talking all kinds of shit and I got right up in his face and he knocked me on my ass. I don't get up in anyone's face anymore. I learned my lesson after that."
Every few years, he'll take off to a new country and bring a backpack. He'll travel for months, doing odd jobs to support himself, picking fruit, bouncing at bars, anything to feed and travel for a week or two. Living on the road, always in seek of adventure and danger. In a sense, it is a very pointless life, with no direction nor meaning. But he lives on whim, with no discretion of where he will go. It is the very epitome of what cultured men have been taught not to do. He is free of any constraints and obligations and was probably better to have been born into a different era.
He doesn't express shame or regret for the things he has done, merely citing "I would not have survived else wise." It is easy for society to judge men of his character, but where can one go, when life offers no respite for the calling of the primeval. Modern life is often constraining and rigid, lacking in men's needs to beat their chests and plunder. The city with all its artificial edifices are not enough for men like Q. There must be more.
