Leveling Up

I'm slated to have my first solo exhibition in May of this year. It was more of a "my word is stronger than oak" type deal so shit's really just hanging in the air. I feel a mixture of things about the show, anxiety, fear, elation, affirmation, like I just leveled up in a video game but there's still another boss to beat. If this show does go through, I'm going to smash it's fucking head in yelling fuck the world like tupac.

The last time I had a show was a little more than a year ago at a very reputable and fancy gallery downtown. It did not go well.  After that I felt like I didn't want to show at cafes, or lounges, or any other venue that wasn't specifically designed for just a gallery space. At the time, I felt like my work was there and that all I needed was a chance. It was a very bitter awakening to have my work rejected from every gallery/show/contest I submitted to.

I felt like I had just wasted 6 months of my life creating work which meant nothing to no one. So much to the extent that I didn't sell a goddamn single piece of the series. For a long time it was hard for me even to be in the studio. I reeked of failure, like a punched out boxer who never made it in the pros. It was a miserable summer.

It's merely a stroke of luck that I even got considered for this show in May. I was in Thailand and met an expat and friend of mine out in Bangkok for drinks and general debauchery. It happens that one of his ex gfs is a curator in San Francisco. He told me he'd drop her a line and see if we could work something out. I've been promised a lot of things by a lot of people, for the most part, things just don't work out as planned. I really didn't think too much of it.

Fast forward a few weeks and I'm back in the states, about to meet the curator and gallery owner at the space. I was pretty nervous, so nervous in fact that I went across street to probably the grimiest dive in the Tenderloin to toss back a few before the initial interview. When I met them the curator kept saying that "there was a buzz" about me. I was thinking, what fucking buzz? I can't sell dick and I haven't painted properly for months.

For some reason or another they liked me, so much so that they verbally promised me a show. And all I can really do is just keep my fingers crossed and just keep working.