girls from my past

i took this girl from my past out a little while ago, nice little fusion place in the outer mission. i don't know why i ever even really bother with girls from my past anyways. if it didn't work out before, it sure as hell probably isn't gonna work now or any time in the future. i guess i'm still a sucker for a pretty face.

seeing her was okay, we talked about the past, about the people we both knew, about things that were going on now, and about things we wanted to do in the future. to be honest, it was mostly mundane pleasantries and i was much more excited about the food.

we met each other during very tumultuous times in our lives and i suppose that's just how you remember people sometimes. she asked me midway through the meal if i was still getting into fights. i said no, that i was too old for that shit and that i had a reputation to think about now. she looked as if she were disappointed. as if the old facade of my past was the only thing she was ever chasing.

i remember the last scuffle i got in which had me laid out for a few days with a broken face. it wasn't fun. mostly i laid there thinking about how i should have seen that knee coming and how much i sucked for getting my face broken. i really deserved it either way.

i hold on to the past quite a bit, a little too much of a sentimental fool. my mom always tells me how i was that kid that would run around the restaurant causing a goddamn ruckus in public. i was always thought that there was a little bit of the devil inside me and sometimes i miss the good times we had. running around unabashed with no regard to anything else but our immediate wants.

i walked her to her car after dinner and we said we would see each other and all that, but knew it wasn't true. sometimes i look back on my life and there are many regrets and moments of severe self-loathing. and i think it's that way for a lot of people. i don't know why i ever even really bother with girls from my past anyways. they're nothing but trouble.