brokefaceasshole

I took this picture about 5 years ago for a photo shoot. Most people don't like it, they think is perturbing. When they ask, I usually just say I got in a bar fight so I don't have to really explain.

I called my mom a few days ago and she asked why I put this picture up. She said she hates it and wonders why I don't put up something nice.

"What happened? Why do you put up pictures like this?"

"I dunno mom. It was a photoshoot from a few years ago. I like it."

"Is it real?"

"No, it's just all fake. Don't worry mom."

"Are you okay, how have you been?"

"I'm at the studio now, but I'm about to have some beers with a friend. I'm doing okay."

"Okay, remember to stop smoking cigarettes and don't drink so much."

"Ok mom, tell dad I say hi."

I guess it really started after watching the movie fight club in high school. A few friends and I decided it would be a good idea to meet once a week and kick the living shit out of each other for fun. At first it was just the three of us at first, then it was 5, and then it was 10 and it kind of grew and grew into this thing.

I wasn't the nicest person growing up. I've dished out my fair share of punishment. I'm not saying I've never been put in my place, but never enough so for me to feel like I've ever learned a lesson. And maybe I felt like I needed to teach myself a lesson.

I had to do a profile photoshoot at the time anways, so I decided i would up the ante and give myself a black eye. To see what it would feel like. Some modern day self-flagellation.

I spent two days punching myself in the left eye. My friends thought it was pretty stupid, but they still offered to help. I politely declined and administered mostly small rabbit punches the first day as I was still a bit hesitant with the entire project. My main concern wasn't about actually having a black eye, but whether or not I was causing some long term damage to my vision. I pushed forward.

The second day I took more drastic measure. The rabbit punches weren't doing any good at all. It took a few quarts of whiskey, but I really took the mission with a bit more emboldened passion. By the end of the night I had a pretty good shiner going. It was partially swollen and red and I was pretty proud of myself.

The blood is completely fake. It's a mixture of flour, food coloring, cornstarch and water. After the black eye, I really didn't have the heart to break my nose. After two days of punching myself in the face, the shot took about 5 minutes to capture. And that was it.

So really, I didn't get a black eye from a bar fight. I gave it to myself. Because I'm an idiot. And because sometimes I really don't have better things to do. So stop asking.